Silence and darkness bring truth. The drifter is numb but wants more. More is on the other side of pain. Through the threat of crushing heaviness that is always threatening to shift the ground beneath & envelope the whole being.
The fear of the rage is the gate. Peeling back the layers will hurt. Straightening will hurt. You bow your head and trudge on. Drifting is safe. That does not hurt. Waking, moving, sleeping, feeling nothing.
Desperation creeps in. You just need to feel. "Am I here? Stay or end it? Living makes staying worth it. Not drifting, not existing, living. To be more, the drifter has to take a steadying breathe and let in the wave. When it hits, it buries you. You get stripped.
That's the plan. To get to know the wave as it comes and goes. And surfing gets better with practice.
Surfing: it's a rite of passage. To freedom; to living.